Cars, karma and dogma

As the world waits for the rise (or more likely fall) of U.S. automotive manufacturing, Michiganders need a dose of healing and humor. Many Michiganders see their fates as terminally linked to fortunes of the Big Three and practically speaking, they are right. Working families and retirees depend on the Big Three for income and health care. Yet, these two necessities seem privileges in a time of recession, mass layoffs, soaring personal bankruptcies, rising home foreclosures and pervasive economic constriction.

When the wolf is at the door, laugh in his face, flip him off, and move on.

Products from the New Age industry can offer healing and humor. A word of caution and a disclaimer: some consider these serious modalities powerful medicine. Our Michigan does not endorse or guarantee results from any New Age healing methods.

"Are you ready to live an ABUNDANT life?" asks the advert. 'Well, shit yes," you might think. I've been laid off, am behind on my bills and eat Kraft dinner five nights a week, left-over Kraft dinner the other two. Maybe you need an "abundance coach" -- someone who can help you clear karma and limiting beliefs to get back on track with your true purpose.

Limiting beliefs are nasty little snares that trap us in the past or an illusion of powerlessness. Limiting belief number one in Michigan: Michigan's purpose is to manifest a twentieth-century automotive sector in the twenty-first century. While it is true that the current global economic crisis has doomed the Big Three, they created their own reality with wasteful designs, planned obsolescence, overproduction and finally outsourcing. They must change or die.

Limiting belief number two: you personally are responsible for remaining loyal to the Big Three even if it means short changing yourself and your family. You don't have to stay on the ship as it sinks. That's the CEO's job; he’s getting paid huge bonuses to stay aboard. You are not.

Limiting belief number three: Michigan can only thrive with the Big Three intact. There was a time Michigan teemed with lumberjacks. Situations change. You can, too, Michigan.

But if your abundance coach fails to lift you out of the pit, how about trying Divine Intervention Healing. Not just limited to the saints of old, you too can experience spontaneous remission, where the impossible becomes possible. Let’s see...the impossible: General Motors and Ford reinstate generous health care benefits for retirees, consumers have enough money to buy cars and the Big Three commit to a green future.

If that fails, how about consulting with a spirit medium for direct guidance from deceased loved ones or angels and guides? You probably won’t do any worse than recent guidance from your financial advisor and you might find out where Grandma hid the key to the safe deposit box.

In the end maybe you are looking for something more tangible... like a high colonic – an empowering change from the usual because you take it in the behind on your own terms for the sake of purging, cleansing and a refreshing lightness of being.

Michigan's Banished Words for 2008

Lake Superior State University in the Upper Peninsula has released its annual "Banished Word List" - irksome, awkward or overused words and phrases. The list is at once descriptive and prescriptive. Winners emerge from hundreds of entries collected through the year and submitted by people across the country. So how about a list specific to our lovely state?
Michigan's Banished Words for 2008:
Crisis - "Crisis" means a moment of change, discernment and decision, as in "crisis of conscience." We usually find crises uncomfortable because most of us hate change. In addition, we have come to confuse crisis with catastrophe, a sudden, complete overturning of everything as we know it. But a crisis can make us see more clearly a hard truth. If you are alive, you are in crisis; it's the way of the world, not just Michigan.

Gridlock - Unless reporting traffic conditions in a city, try another word. For example, if the state Legislature has trouble with the budget process in 2008 largely through tactics of obstruction, use "obstruction."

Public/private partnerships - Favored during times of shrinking tax revenues and formerly known as "privatization," it is often used to suggest a collaborative relationship between well-intentioned private entities and inept governments waiting to be rescued. It could be called "government-enabled private taking of the commons." With Gov. Jennifer Granholm's no-new-taxes promise, expect to see more of this in 2008.

Slump, crunch - When describing the economics of houses and cars, avoid these tired terms. Reach for something a little more accurate, such as recession or depression. "Slump" and "crunch" evoke noisy breakfast cereal for gnomes.

Financialization - This is not specific to Michigan, but is the crux of our economic difficulty. Instead, say "turning the necessities of life into opportunities to create indebtedness." Selling cars becomes fitting consumers with acceptable financing packages, even if it means rolling in previous unpaid debt from their last car. Higher education becomes a booming market for student loans, where kids trade away future earning potential in the hope that a college diploma will increase their future earning potential. Home ownership becomes a gamble in a Wild West mortgage market with losers out in the cold, rather than warm and cozy by the hearth.

Entrepreneurial community - Often set against a labor/management model, the starkest entrepreneurial sensibility is every man for himself. A group of rugged individualists isn't really a community, though. A community cares for the less fortunate among them, rather than kicking them to the curb with a buyout. A community has a common purpose, identity and values. Instead of "entrepreneurial community," why not return to "pluralistic society"? There's room for difference, strength, weakness and compassion in that.

International Tabloid News from Michigan

Judge ignores husband's wishes, charges woman with attacking him with a fork in Michigan restaurant (International Herald Tribune, France) Why should this be noteworthy in France? Don't the French get passionate over food? Anyway, this was a married couple--you know, one man and one woman, protected and privileged by our state constitution. Perhaps the judge is fulfilling his duty to uphold the ideal of marriage; stabbing your husband with a fork is not a spousal right--not even in Michigan.

Tabloid News from Michigan

Michigan man arrested, accused of selling pot from company ice cream truck (France) Did you ever get a funny feeling about an ice cream truck? The creepy, evil clown feeling? Maybe it was merely second-hand pot smoke from the driver.

The Farmer File: Michigan counters our Skunk Ape with its own (Florida) In this global economy, states vie with each other for all commerce. In this case, Floridians are concerned that the U.P.'s Bigfoot tourism of late will take business away from the sunshine state.

Jogger trips up Detroit robbery (Canada) An anonymous jogger in Ferndale simply stuck out her foot, tripped the thief, sent the wallet flying and kept running. Although the the crook hopped on a bike and attempted a get away, the police caught up to him, crediting the jogger with giving them a critical few moments of time.

International Tabloid News from Michigan

If this will boost tourism making Michigan an international destination, I'm all for it. Maybe some curious Bigfoot fans will make the trek from Ireland, India, Australia, UK, South Africa, or Israel for a glimpse of the elusive creature after reading the recent "news" coverage.

Bigfoot has been sighted more in Marquette County, than any other in the UP according to Matthew Moneymaker of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization. Members of BFRO will be in Marquette County July 12-15 searching secret locations for evidence of Bigfoot.

From the UPI coverage:

"We hope to accomplish several things. First is a direct sighting and to record that sighting. We'll be looking for evidence supporting a presence. We are going to study the environment, which is typically remote. And we hope to meet local people who might have seen a Sasquatch or heard of someone else who had an encounter," Moneymaker said.

So head up to the UP for a pasty (June 29-July 1 is PastyFest in Calumet), some smoked fish, open space and a chance to see Bigfoot.

International Tabloid News from Michigan

Michigan couple finds baby on MySpace (Australia) Lookout, Craig's List.

No charges in wheelchair-truck ride (Canada) North American drivers heaved a sigh of relief for the trucker whose grille snagged an occupied wheel chair last week. There but for the grace of god...

Former treasurer of Michigan county gets top sentence in Nigerian scam (Austria) Snopes explains this confidence method, also known as 4-1-9 or advanced fee fraud. If you get an email from a stranger in Nigeria promising a lot of money in return for a little, remember--no free lunches. Not even in prison.

Michigan hotel pulls ladies-only floor plan (Canada) Marriott's intention for its new Grand Rapids hotel seemed good--safe space for business women traveling alone. But response from "international clients was negative. " This wouldn't have anything to do with certain ladies flying into Grand Rapids for the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival, would it? Ahem...On a positive note, rooms and the lounge on the floor in question still will feature details to please lady travelers: chenille throw blankets and jewelry holders.

Made in Michigan: International Tabloid News

Has anyone else noticed the string of creepy, bizarre and embarrassing headlines featuring our fair state? I'm not going to link to these. You can just google the key words.

It started with "Body Parts from China Delivered to Michigan Home." We never learned the fate the other packages missing from that shipment. But we didn't need to; that would be old news. Same story, different state.

"Michigan Church to Honor Fallen Turkey." Touching, but weird. And it could have been worse, for example "Michiganders honor their dead."

How about "Michigan Man Gets $122,400 for Cat Bite." Was this one about excessive jury awards, a warning about the "pit bull" of the cat world or a veiled suggestion for extra income in hard times?

"Michigan 'Rat Lady' says white rats great pets." (Better than biting cats certainly.) I am sure other states have rat ladies. I am sure other states have people who like white rats. But no, this had a Michigan angle. Run it.

"Michigan Man Riding Lawnmower Across Country Hits Roadblock." He couldn't afford a car? Fortunately, the coverage does praise his charitable purpose for the trip.

"Houses Cheaper Than Cars in Depressed Detroit." Thank you, Reuters, but the modifier 'depressed' was unnecessary.

Did I miss any?

Flip It! Strategy: Getting Through Bad News Days

When you feel slammed by the news, try to flip it into a positive.

Global Warming
National Arbor Day Foundation reports that hardiness zones are shifting northward reflecting a warmer climate. Global warming is real and measurable in our environment. Our worst fears are true.
Flip: Time to investigate and propagate a completely different set of plants.

Depressed Real Estate
Property values are plummeting, at 6 year lows in Washtenaw county.
Flip: It is a fabulous buyers market. Renters might be able to afford owner-occupied housing.

Family Values Meets Diversity Training
James Tignanelli, president of the 14,000-member Police Officers Association of Michigan, said the group is backing the former New York mayor because of the leadership he showed after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.
Flip: Thousands of Michigan tough guys are officially okay with Guiliani's public appearances in drag and multiple marriages. Hmm.

Next time you get bad news, flip it for sanity and fun!